


(re: re: ) Remember me?

by myystic (neoinean)



Category: Jurassic Park
Genre: E-mail, Epistolary, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoinean/pseuds/myystic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roughly a year after the events on Isla Nublar, academic considerations reunite Drs. Grant and Malcolm. Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(re: re: ) Remember me?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Muir_Wolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muir_Wolf/gifts).



From: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
To: agrant@montana.edu  
Date: Tue, Jun 7, 1994 at 1:38 PM  
Subject: Remember me?

Dr. Grant,

You don't call, you never write...

But seriously, it took our department secretary 3 days to find your email address. Apparantly, you do not have it listed anywhere public, and I actually wasted a good few minutes wondering how the hell people are supposed to get ahold of you, since according to *your* department secretary you're out sweating your ass off somewhere beyond the reach of modern communication. So I have no idea when or even *if* you'll get this email. Or, you know, if you even know you have an email account to begin with, becuase it really wouldn't surprise me if I'm just typing for myself right now. Sure a lot of people are hesitent about this so-called "technology age" but seriously, Dr Grant? I'm pretty sure the telephone's been around for at least a hundred years. If not more. Even if you're reluctant to join *this* decade, I'm sure the world at large won't object to you picking any of the previous ones. Well, except maybe the 70s, but if you'd feel more comfortable in 1982 I'm sure your staff can equip you with a milspec walkie-talkie and a CB radio, at the very least, if they absolutely refuse to give you a phone. And it might just come in handy.

But *anyway*, the reason I'm writing you out of the blue, and it *is* an actual reason, I assure you, is that The Powers That Be have decided that I'm going to write a book. The Powers That Be are *also* trying to exorcise some creative control over said book, because apparantly The Incident has made us all marketable. And you know, G-d forbid I actually want to focus on the actual *science*, if Joe Sixpack picks it up off the shelf because of my name and then puts it down again because it reads like a textbook and not some cheap B sci-fi adventure yarn...

So, I'm writing a book. And because there are going to be alot of dinosaurs in said book, I figured I should look up the world's favorite dinosaur expert. Well actually, I figured I could have Lizzie look you up, because spelunking through the far reaches of academia is part of her job description, nevermind that it took her *3 days* to find you, but anyway. So Mr. Dr. Dinosaur expert, do you, like most sane persons of doctoral education, have at least one book shelf devoted to targeted reference works? I know you do, even if your shelf is actually a box in a storage unit somewhere up in Bozeman, but do you think you could forward along a list of titles and authors, be they texts or journal articles, with all the relevant publication hoopla so that I can both intelligently write about and refer to dinosaurs and, you know, intelligently write about and refer to dinosaurs in such a way that Mr. Sixpack can still follow along? It would be very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

Best,  
Dr. Ian Malcolm

\--

From: agrant@montana.edu  
To: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
Date: Fri, Jun 17, 1994 at 17:15  
Subject: re: Remember me?

Dr. Malcolm,

Anyone ever tell you you've got a funny way of asking for help? In order: I got your email yesterday; being aware of one's email account in no way obliges them to actually make use of it; we DO have working radios, but apparently my department secretary didn't feel that your department secretary needed to know that; since the telephone was actually invented in the 1870s, and according to you I'm supposed to avoid the 70s, that rather doesn't help your argument any; and which Powers might those Be, exactly? I thought you had tenure...

But to answer your request, Mr. Chaotition, yes I have a bookshelf. And yes, I'll forward along a list of everything I think you'll need. Actually, Dr. Sattler will be doing the actual forwarding, as at the moment she's in possession of the bookshelves.

Good luck with the book,  
Dr. Grant

PS: You spell like a mathematician.

\--

From: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
To: agrant@montana.edu  
Date: Wed, Jun 22, 1994 at 9:47 AM  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Dr. Grant,

I got the list from Dr. Sattler, thanks. Now, supposedly the lovely Lizzie gave your list to the nice young ladies at the library, and through the magic of inter-library loan the journals should start pouring in over the next week or so. The texts I'm just going to expense to the department. And I *do* have tenure, thank you much. If you must know, I just don't often get grant money, so tenure or not apparently I'm now forced to "earn my keep". But if they want the book, the least they can do is pay for the reference material. On a side note, I really must say that I'm a bit concerned, here. Why does Dr. Sattler have custody of your bookshelves? A man and his reference material should never be long parted.

And its good to hear that you're not *completely* cut off from the world out there. Even if you still can't order in takeout, that you can at least call for help should something go horribly wrong out there is a load off my mind, believe me. Stay safe -- wear lots of sunscreen!

Best,  
Dr. Malcolm

PS: Hey that's *Dr* Chaotition to you, buddy  
PPS: Those who live in glass houses shouldn't smell like archaeologists

\--

From: agrant@montana.edu  
To: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
Date: Thur, Jun 30, 1994 at 13:36  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Dr. Chaotition,

Dr. Sattler doesn't have the bookshelves. This is just her semester to live at home, the natural habitat of the rare indigenous hand-planed shelving unit. And what do YOU need grant money for? You're not physical science and you don't need to travel.

Congratulations on finding the spell-checker,  
Dr. Grant

PS: Has anyone ever told you that sarcasm is unbecoming in a PhD?

\--

From: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
To: agrant@montana.edu  
Date: Tue, Jul 5, 1994 at 11:04 AM  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

I wasn't being sarcastic! Seriously!

Well ok, maybe I was a little, but I think we have both learned our lessons in not taking for granted any situation that *others* specifically tell us is safe. And I meant what I said about sunscreen. Have you read anything about the hole in the ozone layer? UV rays are a lot more harmful now than when we were kids.

&gt;And what do YOU need grant money for? You're not physical  
&gt;science and you don't need to travel.

And *that* ladies and gentlemen is why its so hard for guys like me to get grant money. The statisticians get all the research dollars and the software upgrades and the mathematicians get the hardware and dibs on conferences, etc, and what do I get? Two departments telling me that I belong to the other guys. And I could probably go on and on about how that all relates to Chaos Theory, but last time I did that both you *and* Dr. Sattler got out of the truck, so I'll refrain.

And -- hand-planed bookshelves? Really? Somehow I never took you for a furniture snob.

Best,  
Dr. Malcolm

PS: What is it you folks say? Those that don't adapt are the ones that face extinction? Well in this case its face the wrath of the department secretary and the snark of one particular correspondent, but I now I fully spell-check all my emails, memos, etc. Apparently the lack thereof was effecting my academic credibility.

\--

From: agrant@montana.edu  
To: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
Date: Thur, Jul 14, 1994 at 21:59  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Malcolm,

The bookshelves are heirlooms - did you miss the part where I said they were indigenous? I am sorry about the state of your funding though, but at least you have a ready excuse for whenever you bail on a departmental meeting. If it makes you feel any better, we have to share most of our equipment with the geologists, and much as I respect them for their collective mastery in their chosen fields (and also on the playing field - apparently a lot of athletes picked earth sciences as a major when forced to back their scholarships, but I digress), unfortunately most of their methods for just about everything are incompatible with ours, to say the least.

And yes, I have sunblock. And a hat. Should I warn you not to stare at computer screens too hard lest you start needing stronger prescriptions?

Congratulations on your evolution,  
Dr. Grant

PS: If you're worried about your academic credibility you might want to watch your homonyms...

\--

From: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
To: agrant@montana.edu  
Date: Fri, Jul 15, 1994 at 9:09 AM  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Grant,

What, were you a high school English teacher in a past life or something? But since spell-check doesn't catch homonyms, and since I am *not* an English teacher and nor do I play one on TV, my email and memo recipients can put up with a few confused words, provided they are still spelled correctly:)

You know, there's a reason why we collectively dubbed geology "rocks for jocks" out in CalTech. Sadly, we were not known for our athletic prowess.

The hat is good. Make sure the sunblock is at least SPF30. And pack an extra canteen. I saw the weather last night -- let's just say I'm glad I'm not you right now.

Best,  
Malcolm

PS: I've gotten about half the journal articles so far, but only two texts. You know, you might have warned me that some of them were out of print...

\--

From: agrant@montana.edu  
To: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
Date: Thurs, Jul 28, 1994 at 16:24  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Malcolm,

What are you, my mother? Or at least the pot, since you're writing me from Texas. And you asked for titles, authors, and hoopla, and so that's what I gave you. Not my fault you neglected to do further research after acquiring additional data.

One of our site engineers is from CalTech, masters program I think. Don't know what you're talking about athletics-wise though - she consistently hits over .400 in the inter-departmental softball tourney.

-Grant

PS: My mother was an English teacher, actually.

\--

From: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
To: agrant@montana.edu  
Date: Fri, Jul 29, 1994 at 10:22 AM  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Grant,

Oh, you *would* pull the research card. Well, at least as of now I'm only waiting on one more book. I'll have you know I had to clear out an entire half shelf to make room for all this stuff, and that's *after* I photocopied the journal articles with all their relevant additional info, to minimize the space they'd take up. Thanks to you, 1988-1992 of National Geographic is now sitting in a box on my closet shelf.

And speaking of space-saving, I now have inches upon inches of backlog conversation that shows up below the actual email, that might have once been our *old* emails in a past life but are now so gumped up with extra markings, etc, that it might as well be Greek. Whatever you reply, I'm sending out my next mail on a clean slate.

&gt;Or at least the pot, since you're writing me from   
&gt;Texas.

Only from my nice air-conditioned apartment in Texas. Where I also keep an air-conditioned car and an air-conditioned office. While you, my friend, are stuck fanning yourself with folded maps and trying to decide between drinking the water or cooling off with it. You *did* pack those extra canteens, yes?

Best,  
Malcolm

PS: Yeah and I'll bet your father smelt of elderberries  
PPS: Unless he was a carpenter.  
PPPS: I really am kidding down here you know  
PPPPS: post-scripts are oddly addictive...

\--

From: agrant@montana.edu  
To: malcolmi@mail.utexas.edu  
Date: Thur, Aug 11, 1994 at 15:50  
Subject: re: re: Remember me?

Malcolm,

I'm sure the National G's will survive just fine. I've left 1979-1989 boxed in my garage the past two years and nothing seems to have happened to them.

The Jeeps have A/C, but it hogs too much gas so we leave it off and pull the tops down instead.

&gt;You my friend are stuck fanning yourself with folded maps

Oh come now, Ian. That's what we have grad students for.

-Grant

PS: My grandfather was the carpenter. His son just built houses for a living.   
PPS: No they're not. Try structuring your actual messages better.

\--

-_fin_-


End file.
